Category: Fiction

Ahhh, the soothing sounds of the Chainsaw Americans. You can hear them, less than a quarter mile away, marching up the avenue. Thousands of them, buzzing in unison. Louder than a flock of Harleys. There’s only one sound missing from that march and that’s the sound of my Vaz Deferenz KR-14.

A stub titanium blade with monster horsepower. 

That stump daddy may look like a chump chainsaw, but the speed of the chain and zero-gravity weight makes up for what it lacks in a long-dong of titanium steel. The song of my Vaz Deferenz is a mighty scree. One I’ll be cranking sooner than later. Generally, I’m not an open carry kind of guy. That’s why I left my Vaz in Harlow’s apartment. But soon as I drop him off, I’ll crank up the Vaz, grind that stump daddy over my head, join the march, my saw among the many.

We took the shuttle to the entrance of the theme park. My father said, Remember our car is in Squiggly section C.

The day was thrilling.

When we returned to Squiggly section C, there was another family inside our car. They looked just like our family. My father stopped my mother and me from yelling at them as they drove away.

We sat in the empty parking space. Many families came and went. None of them noticed us. A girl from one of the families stepped on my hand without acknowledging me. Eventually the parking lot was empty. The theme park tower lights shut down. We were exhausted and hungry.

This is from a release party at Secret Project Robot for the limited edition chapbook: Dollhouse Mountain (2012), a companion chapbook to Rodents in the Penile Garden (2011). These books were written during a celibate period in my life—in large part to exorcise the ghouls, farts, and horny demons from overruling my psyche. (But do they ever go away?)